There has been a lot of chatter in the world about what it means to be a man. I have written about it here, here, and here, and the subject has been discussed ad nauseam on podcasts and television.
There are many good points of advice that one can apply to your own quest to become a better man and human being, and there are even more pieces of bad advice on this subject.
I would like to break it all down to one simple test that can assist us all in gauging where we are on the lifelong quest to become better men.
At the end of the day to be able to call yourself a man is a moot point if those around you don’t consider you one.
I’m not talking about those individuals that are not in your immediate circle of influence. I’m referencing all the individuals that depend on you physically and emotionally.
Show me how those under your immediate care look at you when you enter a room, and that will tell me everything I need to know about what kind of man you are. This test will tell me if you deserve to be called a man at all.
Questions to ask yourself
How do your kids react when you come home from a long day’s work? Are they afraid of you? Do they come running with arms wide open with a twinkle in their eye ready to be in your embrace again?
How does your spouse look at you when you’re speaking at a dinner party? Does she roll her eyes in embarrassment? Or does she look and listen with respectful gratitude and love?
Do your neighbors know your name? Can they count on you to assist them when needed? Do they respect you or do they hide when they see you coming?
Do your co-workers follow your lead when a task needs to be completed? Or do they laugh behind your back because no respect or leadership has been earned?
Do your parents enjoy being around you? Or do they count down the time until you are out of their presence?
This is the perfect litmus test for manhood because at the end of the day it tells me where your priorities are currently and where they should be focused on in the future.
Worldy Prestige Doesn’t Matter
It doesn’t matter if you are a successful billionaire with multiple businesses and a plethora of degrees behind your name. If you don’t have the admiration and respect from your loved ones then you cannot call yourself a true man. You can and should however call yourself a businessman, but not a man.
The same is true on the flip side of the equation. If you are a responsible, loving, and honorable poor man, who has to work three jobs to provide for his family, but those around you respect and honor who you are as a person, then you are a true man.
Manhood doesn’t care about your worldly titles of prestige, manhood cares about your spiritual, emotional, and relational prestige.
Manhood arrives when the balance between physical, emotional, and spiritual stability aligns for yourself, and just as important, for those around you.
Have You Earned The Title?
So my friends, when you ask yourself if you have earned the title of man, simply step back and observe how those around you react when you enter a room. This simple gauge will tell you everything you need to know about your status as a true manly man. It will tell you the relationships you need to work on and those that are healthy and can be maintained.
What To Stop Doing
Stop looking at your fitness level as a gauge for your manliness.
Stop looking at your bank account as a gauge for your manliness.
Stop looking at the number of followers on social media.
Stop looking at worldly metrics of the “outside” and start looking at the personal metrics of the “inside”.
What To Start Doing
Start being fully present for those that want you to be present in their lives.
Start by looking your children in the eyes when they are talking to you.
Start by trading social media and the football game on Sunday for a family day at the water park.
Start being the man your children and spouse want by showing up and earning their love and admiration.
This is where the manliest of men excel
At home.
Remember, it is never too late to change.
It is never too late to improve on your current circumstance.
It is never too late to ask for forgiveness from those around you.
It is never too late to become the father, brother, spouse, co-worker, or human that you’ve dreamed of being.
It is never too late to become a MAN.
