I’m a fan of the old Latin trope “Memento Mori”, which means, remember that you have to die. This concept is not something I use to bring about depressive thoughts but actually quite the opposite. I find that continually contemplating death allows me to focus on what is most important for myself and my family. 

I often think about what would be my biggest regrets if I were to die tomorrow, what would my 3 boys say about me, what would my wife remember me by, would my neighbors say that I was a good person?

One thought that is always in the back of my mind as I contemplate the finality of this life is worry about my three boys. I worry that I would not have enough time on this earth to give my boys the advice that I wish I would have had during my formative years. This feeling was the impetus for this blog and subsequently the purpose behind many of the articles that I have written over the years. Not to be taken as hard truths, but more like subtle nudges in the direction that I have found to be best. 

For this purpose I have decided to summarize 40 life lessons from my first 40 years on earth. 

1. To build a healthy relationship, forget the fancy dinners and extravagant gifts, and simply make a habit of walking with those you want to form a stronger bond.
2. Don’t spend money on fancy clothes, instead, spend time and money on your physical health. A fit body feels better and looks good in anything
3. When it’s all said and done, nice guys always finish first.
4. Contemplate death daily.
5. The best things in life are not things. 
6. If you are doing something for the sole purpose of posting it on social media, then don’t do it.
7. Never back your car into a parking spot, only the pompous do that. 
8. Eat more protein, less carbs, and enjoy the fat. 
9. Don’t spend on the latest trends when a plain black t-shirt will do for 90% of occasions. 
10. Stop giving up on your dreams because of the lie that “life is too short”. For the majority life is long, not short. 
11. Instead of making achievable goals for the year, make audacious 5 and 10 year goals. We often overestimate what we can accomplish in the short term and underestimate what can be done over longer periods of time. 
12. Don’t be afraid to be silly, nobody is really watching anyways.
13. Only take advice from those that are exactly where you want to be.
14. To be happy, simply try to do difficult things and the happiness will follow. 
15. If you want to make a difference in the world, take the hard path instead of the easy one.  Everyone else has already tried the easy path,  and look where they are now. 
16. Make a habit of investing 50% of your take home pay and you will never have to stress about retirement. 
17. If you didn’t make the team it’s not because the coach hates you, if you didn’t get the job it’s not because the boss hates you, it’s because you weren’t good enough. Improve where you can, and try again. 
18. Everything worthwhile and good in this life comes after doing the difficult thing first, everything. Marriage. Kids. Business. Happiness. etc. 
19. Never trust someone that doesn’t like dogs. 
20. Never trust someone who has more than 2 cats.
21. When upset over a situation, go for a walk, eat a good meal, and sleep. You will always feel better after.
22. Buying new clothes or toys will not make you happy, but a long hike in nature will.
23. Don’t feel bad when you say no to something, because saying no to one thing means you are saying yes to something more important to you. 
24. When it comes to possessions, less is always more. When it comes to experiences, more is often better.
25. Playing video games will never make you a better person.
26. Social media can be used for good, but 99% of the time it isn’t. 
27. Create something you can share with others and you will have an instant connection to what you were created for. 
28. Everyone feels anxious, depressed, sad, mad, and afraid from time to time, you are not broken, you are human. 
29. If someone says they are a “guru”, run as far away as you can from that person. If someone says they are a student, lean in. 
30. Convenience is not the answer to contentment. We pay for convenience not only with our pocketbooks but with our health and happiness as well. 
31. Everything in life is earned. There is not a quick fix to our health, happiness, relationships, or wealth. 
32. Stop taking yourself so seriously, nobody remembers what you wore to the party or what car you drove to get there. People do remember a smile and a good conversation. 
33. You are never behind in life, in knowledge, and experience, because in the timeline of eternity everything you do, learn, feel, and fail at will be for you to keep. 
34. Life is not about the journey, it’s actually all about the destination. Without a destination there is no journey to embark on, rather a meandering through life without purpose. 
35. Forgiving others is commendable, forgiving yourself is divine. 
36. Enthusiasm is the secret sauce to an invigorating life.
37. Make your health your number 1 priority because without it you are nothing. 
38. Watch less sporting events and play more sports.
39. Bored is not bad, but busy without a purpose usually is. 
40. Have the courage to be disliked.

These are the 40 pieces of advice I wanted to share on my 40th year of life on earth. That doesn’t mean that next year they won’t differ completely. Life is about learning, implementing, failing, and learning some more. The fact of the matter is that nobody has it all figured out, we just like to pretend that we do. So go out and have fun finding your own truisms and feel free to share them with the world. 

The post 40 Life Lessons From 40 Years appeared first on Happiness Trifecta.

But, what is true happiness? It’s everything if you don’t have it, right? 

Happiness has always been the goal

Happiness, or the lack thereof rather, can be connected to every war ever fought, every murder ever committed, and every drug addiction ever encountered.  Deep down, happiness is what we are all seeking to obtain and maintain. Not money, not fame, not prestige. We are, and have always been, a species continuously in the pursuit of happiness. This continuous pursuit of happiness was important enough that our Founding Fathers decided to include a verbal clause in the Declaration of Independence about it. 

There is no question that the search for happiness is, and always has been, an integral part of our daily lives. 

The bigger question is, why have we had such a difficult time solving our happiness woes? Why haven’t we conquered our quest to obtain and maintain happiness for all? 

We’ve unlocked the secrets to eradicate deadly and debilitating sickness that would decimate the human population as we know it. We’ve figured out how to launch a human into outer space, land on a rock 238,900 miles away, and safely return to earth without a scratch. Yet, we can’t seem to solve our happiness conundrum. In fact, as a society we are actually further away from our goal as ever before. 

The problem when evaluating our global happiness levels is that it’s a difficult metric to track. For one, every language describes happiness in a different way, another reason is that there is no clinical diagnosis for happiness. You can’t simply go to your family doctor and be diagnosed as being in a state of happiness. You have to look at the opposite of happiness and work backward.  The best way to see how far we have strayed from being in a happy state as a society is through the diagnosis of depression. 

We are losing the fight against depression

In the United States, over 18 million adults suffer from depression in any given year. Depression is the leading cause of disability for people ages 15-44 and accounts for $23 billion in lost workdays each year. It is one of the most debilitating conditions in the world, with severe depression rated in the same disability category as terminal stage cancer.  According to the U.S Centers for disease control and prevention behavioral risk surveillance system (BRFSS) 1 in 6 Americans take a psychiatric drug and greater than 30 million Americans are on antidepressant medication.

We’re more depressed than we’ve ever been and yet we spend more money trying to fix our happiness problems than ever before. In 2020 it was estimated that Americans spent $10.5 billion on self-improvement and is forecasted to grow to $14.0 billion by 2025. You would think with the billions spent on trying to fix our happiness that we would eventually see a decrease in depression and anxiety. Sadly, the opposite is true. The more we learn and the more we seek after happiness the deeper we dive into despair, and the further we stray from global happiness.  

Now, what does all this suggest, that our future is doomed? That our right to the pursuit of happiness has been revoked? Does it mean that we are all on a downward spiral towards an imminent depressive state? You wouldn’t be sitting there reading this if the latter were true. Luckily there is still time to turn this boat around and start making gains in the categories of global happiness and overall contentment, but it’s not going to be easy. And quite frankly that’s the whole point of the happiness trifecta. 

You see, most people have a fundamentally flawed view of what happiness is and an even more flawed view about how to obtain it. It’s not our fault really. We’ve been slowly coerced into believing a false definition of happiness and given the wrong map to find it. 

• Is happiness a choice, a mindset shift, or can it be bought? 
• Is happiness sent down from the heavens through communion with the divine? 
• Do we slowly, softly, entice happiness into our lives through meditation? 
• Is it something that’s found during a weekend course or simply reading a book? 
• Is happiness peace and contentment, or is it euphoria and ecstasy?
• Is it light and fluffy like a newborn kitten?

A new definition for happiness

Let me propose another definition for happiness, a definition that has been hidden in plain sight for thousands of years, until now.  Happiness is dark, deep, dirty, painful, and difficult. True happiness is the opposite of what comes to mind when you think of happiness. It’s not the light and airy fairy, Mr. Rogers kind of happiness that we’ve been sold over time. Deep happiness is the badass biker dude that will bust your upper lip if you look at him crooked. Radical happiness is intense and hard to the core, and it’s time we start treating it with the respect it deserves instead of dressing it up in a flowery Sunday dress.

The secret to obtain this radical, badass, true happiness, and keep it for the long term is directly correlated to the amount of difficulty we commit to and overcome in our life.  Happiness is brought about by doing difficult things, taking the long road instead of the easy path, opting for the drudgery instead of the fluffy air-conditioned comfort. 

The hard reality is that the amount of happiness we experience in life is not a function of how much money we have, how many cars are in our garage, or how many girls we’ve slept with. It’s not even about how many followers we have on social media. Deep Happiness is about committing to and doing difficult things mentally, physically, and spiritually… every day. That is the trifecta to happiness and that is the secret that nobody will ever tell you because nobody wants to admit that everything we know about happiness is wrong.  

Not a new idea

I’m not the first to discover this idea of difficult, deep, and intense happiness. Oh no, it is something that many others have found and have implemented. However, nobody has the guts to step up and reveal something so counterintuitive, something so backward, and something that is not likely to sell to the mainstream masses because it is the hard truth that nobody wants to hear. 

Instead of admitting to the hard truths about happiness, we instead think that in today’s advanced human race everything should be easier than it was in the past. I mean come on, we have microwaves and air conditioned cars. We’ve solved those problems by making it easier on us. Why can’t the answer to finding more happiness in our lives be as easy as popping a corn dog in the microwave? We go about with this mentality and dismiss the difficult path as an outdated path that only the cavemen had to withstand and instead look for science and technology to solve our problem.

So what do we do now? 

How do we start down the path to regain our right to happiness? 

What to do with our new knowledge of happiness

We burn it down, burn it all down. Everything you have previously been taught about happiness, joy, contentment, and success, can be thrown in a big imaginary wooden box, soaked in kerosene, and lit on fire. Yes, the flowery self-help journal in your closet, the poster you have that says something like “you can do anything you put your mind to” bullshit is exactly that… BULLSHIT. 

We have been lied to for so long that it’s commonplace to believe that happiness is a choice, or that we can change our attitude by positive thought and or by forcing a smile. Yes, those things can boost our happiness in the short term, similar to a quick shot of energy in the morning from a cup of espresso. But, what happens a few hours after the uptick in energy? We inevitably crash back to baseline levels and sometimes even below where we started in the first place. 

Everything we are told and sold about happiness is a short term fix to a long-term problem. We are sold ‘quick and easy’ for a problem that really needs to be solved by ‘long and difficult’. Sadly, quick and easy is what people gravitate towards and spend their hard earned money on. Comfortable is what’s featured in magazines and on television because we, as a society, are all about the quick fix, the fast path to get to where we want to go. The happiness trifecta path to happiness is the opposite. It is the truth about happiness, the hard truth that deep happiness is found by playing the long game. It’s slow and steady, it’s long and intense, but the path that works. 

A fresh take on happiness

As you can probably tell by now, this is not your regular old self-help or happiness blog. This is not your mom’s flowery, cheery, quote-filled self-improvement website. The ideas and philosophies found in these articles are about radical and significant change that needs to be made about how we think about happiness and success. This is the self-help website that those with big dreams and bigger aspirations have been waiting for. The nitty-gritty and dirty truth about happiness and success with no fluff and nothing to sell. 

The reality is that deep unfiltered happiness, the kind that makes you feel like you could burst out of your skin and do a happy dance, is actually very difficult to achieve. Happiness shouldn’t be easy, neither should success, spirituality, joy, physical fitness, or even contentment. The most valuable things in life should and will be difficult to achieve. That’s the secret, and it has been right in front of our faces for centuries, and nobody wants to admit it. True happiness takes hard work and doing things that others choose not to because of the discomfort involved on the front end, and that’s exactly how it should be. That’s how it was meant to be. 

The comfort dilemma

So, why is it so hard to do? Why do we gravitate towards comfort instead of difficulty when we know deep down that the best things in life come about after completing the difficult task. The reason is that we are inundated with lies that life is easy, money is easy, and the comfortable life is the successful life. Everybody wants a 4 hour work week with a 60 hour week salary. Everybody wants the 2-minute abs of steel without feeling the burn, and we are confused when the results don’t develop like the social media influencer, or fitness guru said it would… whelp, bye-bye 200 bucks!

The problem is we live in a day and age where fast, and easy is the expected, and if it doesn’t happen that way then we get upset and request our money back or worse, try and cancel the person that promised success and happiness at the drop of a hat. 

We want our food fast, our cars faster, and our women even faster, and we get upset and depressed when we cannot achieve fast happiness.  Happiness never was and never will be something that is achieved quickly, and definitely cannot be found at a weekend course and subsequently checked off a list.  

Difficulty is the key

To obtain the greatest treasures in life, and to reach the sweetest fruit you have to exert yourself to complete difficult tasks to then reach unimaginable heights. If happiness was so easy to obtain, then why are there so many books, courses, talks, and philosophies about gaining happiness in life? And why are people even more depressed and anxious than at any other time in history? Because people have been taught that happiness should come easily by applying a few simple techniques. And when those techniques don’t work, we then believe that there is something inherently wrong with us. We believe others when they say it should be easy and are frustrated when it’s not.  Then the questions start to come pouring in our minds. 

• What is happiness?
• What is joy?
• What is contentment?
• What is good and bad?
• What is peace?
• What is pleasure?

These are questions that humans have had since the beginning of time and they’re all questions that we cannot specifically define. They are subjective terms that cannot be dealt with scientifically. That’s why it is so hard to come up with a definitive equation that solves for happiness. Because for everyone happiness has a different definition. For some it’s ecstasy, for others it’s peace, joy, contentment, or just a calm feeling. For the purpose of this blog, we will use many of those same terms interchangeably and will ask you to judge for yourself what it means to have happiness in your life. Try not to get bogged down by the exact definitions and minute details of the verbiage but the overarching theme of each article and the website overall. You can successfully interchange happiness with contentment, joy, peace, bliss, and even pleasure. 

Become comfortable with discomfort

The ideas behind the Happiness Trifecta came about by reminiscing on all of the things in my life that have brought me happiness, contentment, and even pure joy. All have come about after some trial, difficulty, intense work, and discipline. Anything that has been gifted to me, or that has been easy to achieve has quickly lost its flavor and fizzled into my past as insignificant. Our happiness and contentment are no different.

We cannot expect the highest degree of significance and happiness to come about in an easy way. The opposite is actually true. The higher the degree of difficulty and sacrifice, the higher the degree of joy. This is true in all aspects of life…parenting, marriage, physical fitness, education, entrepreneurship, minimalism, yoga, meditation, heat therapy, cold therapy, breath-holding, etc, etc. The list goes on and on with examples of difficult paths that then lead to added joy and contentment. 

At the end of the day the real decision is not to choose to be happy or depressed. That is impossible and a lie that is being sold to you. You can’t choose happiness. However, what you can do is to choose to go down the path that others forgo because it is scary. You can choose to complete a difficult task that will in turn lead to happiness and contentment. 

Go out and do something different than you have always done. Go out and choose difficult, hard, and scary. In turn you will see happiness not as something to pursue, but something that will come knocking at your door as a result of your sacrifice to the pursuit of difficulty.

The post The Pursuit of Happiness appeared first on Happiness Trifecta.

There are many good points of advice that one can apply to your own quest to become a better man and human being, and there are even more pieces of bad advice on this subject. 

I would like to break it all down to one simple test that can assist us all in gauging where we are on the lifelong quest to become better men. 

At the end of the day to be able to call yourself a man is a moot point if those around you don’t consider you one. 

I’m not talking about those individuals that are not in your immediate circle of influence. I’m referencing all the individuals that depend on you physically and emotionally. 

Show me how those under your immediate care look at you when you enter a room, and that will tell me everything I need to know about what kind of man you are. This test will tell me if you deserve to be called a man at all. 

Questions to ask yourself

How do your kids react when you come home from a long day’s work? Are they afraid of you? Do they come running with arms wide open with a twinkle in their eye ready to be in your embrace again? 

How does your spouse look at you when you’re speaking at a dinner party? Does she roll her eyes in embarrassment? Or does she look and listen with respectful gratitude and love? 

Do your neighbors know your name? Can they count on you to assist them when needed? Do they respect you or do they hide when they see you coming? 

Do your co-workers follow your lead when a task needs to be completed? Or do they laugh behind your back because no respect or leadership has been earned? 

Do your parents enjoy being around you? Or do they count down the time until you are out of their presence? 

This is the perfect litmus test for manhood because at the end of the day it tells me where your priorities are currently and where they should be focused on in the future. 

Worldy Prestige Doesn’t Matter 

It doesn’t matter if you are a successful billionaire with multiple businesses and a plethora of degrees behind your name. If you don’t have the admiration and respect from your loved ones then you cannot call yourself a true man. You can and should however call yourself a businessman, but not a man.

The same is true on the flip side of the equation. If you are a responsible, loving, and honorable poor man, who has to work three jobs to provide for his family, but those around you respect and honor who you are as a person, then you are a true man. 

Manhood doesn’t care about your worldly titles of prestige, manhood cares about your spiritual, emotional, and relational prestige. 

Manhood arrives when the balance between physical, emotional, and spiritual stability aligns for yourself, and just as important, for those around you. 

Have You Earned The Title?

So my friends, when you ask yourself if you have earned the title of man, simply step back and observe how those around you react when you enter a room. This simple gauge will tell you everything you need to know about your status as a true manly man. It will tell you the relationships you need to work on and those that are healthy and can be maintained. 

What To Stop Doing

Stop looking at your fitness level as a gauge for your manliness.

Stop looking at your bank account as a gauge for your manliness. 

Stop looking at the number of followers on social media.

Stop looking at worldly metrics of the “outside” and start looking at the personal metrics of the “inside”. 

What To Start Doing

Start being fully present for those that want you to be present in their lives. 

Start by looking your children in the eyes when they are talking to you.

Start by trading social media and the football game on Sunday for a family day at the water park. 

Start being the man your children and spouse want by showing up and earning their love and admiration. 

This is where the manliest of men excel

At home. 

Remember, it is never too late to change. 

It is never too late to improve on your current circumstance. 

It is never too late to ask for forgiveness from those around you.

It is never too late to become the father, brother, spouse, co-worker, or human that you’ve dreamed of being.

It is never too late to become a MAN.

The post What It Means To Be A Man (Part 3) appeared first on Happiness Trifecta.

So then what is a man? 

What are the defining characteristics that allow one physically and chemically distinct male to all of a sudden call himself a man? 

That is the question I have been wrestling with ever since my first child was born 5 years ago. Here I sit after having meditated, talked about, read about, listened to, and received revelation for this big and important question.

I am now more qualified than the first night at home with our newborn baby boy, five years ago. When thoughts of life’s big questions swirled around my head like the smoke of a recently lit campfire. I knew I needed to learn more about life’s big questions to help my baby boy along this path as much as possible. I knew that this path to manhood was going to be difficult, they all are, and that was ok, but most importantly I wanted to be ready for answers when the questions arose. I wanted to be ready and willing when my boy needed me most.

The Big Questions

So I went to work and set out to learn as much as I could about life’s biggest questions. 

Such as…

What is my purpose on this earth? 

What is true happiness? 

What is contentment? 

How do I become successful? 

How do I become a true man? 

How does one set and reach big goals? 

Flash forward 5 years and I now am the proud papa to 3 young boys (ages 5, 3, and 1) and the urgency has exponentially grown with each new birth. So much so that I have been prompted to write the answers to a few of life’s questions as far as I can tell. Not that these are hard and fast rules, but rather my advice and insights to possibly help them along in their own journey to manhood. 

The question that seems to always arise when thinking about my boys and what might help them along this journey is the question of what it means to be a man. There is so much misconception today about what it means to be a man. I don’t want my boys to be confused and most importantly I don’t want them to get their information from a source that was not credible and did not have their best interests in mind. 

For this reason, I will continue a thread of suggestions as to what it means to be a man, something that is continuing to evolve for me as well. See other posts on this topic as it continues to evolve. Here, Here, and Here. 

So… what does it mean to be a man?

1. Manhood is a constant pursuit

– Becoming a man in the truest sense of the word is something that cannot be achieved in 1 week, 1 month or even 1 year. The reality is that to become a man you must be in constant pursuit of the title. Just because you feel you have achieved it one day doesn’t mean you will always have the right to be called a man. You can lose the title just as fast as you achieved it. The real manly men will always be in pursuit of the title, it will become something to work towards until your last breath, and maybe at the end of your life, you can say you have done all that you could to maintain that sacred title.

Manhood is not achieved by completing a single difficult task but by overcoming many difficult tasks over an extended period of time. It is not a mountain top to be conquered where after the summit has been reached you can subsequently coast back down to your soft and comfortable life with that badge of honor.

Manhood is a continuous climb that enables you to become more and more with each passing day as you hold up to your end of the bargain. The bargain you have agreed to is to be a standard for others to depend on. To protect the weak and stand up to the bullies. You promise to provide for those who depend on your strength and fortitude. And most importantly you promise to continuously improve yourself so that others can benefit from the light that emanates from your soul.

There is no end to your pursuit because to be a man you must start fresh each morning like a painter with a new canvas. Each day is your battleground to prove your worth of being called a man. 

2. Manhood is balance

– being a man means prioritizing your life around the things that matter most and not neglecting all the important aspects that make up who you are. You have to be balanced mentally, physically, and spiritually to be able to be the biggest and brightest light for others to gain strength.

There are many who “go all-in” on one single aspect and reach very high standards but fall short in other aspects of their lives. We cannot consider ourselves successful men if we are Olympic athletes yet neglect our families and our spirits during our climb to the top. A true man knows how to balance his time, talents, and efforts into all of the most important aspects of his life.

Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to be physically fit, maintain and run a successful business, be spiritually fulfilled, all while being the parent and spouse your children and significant other love and respect.

Manhood is not a feat of strength or demonstration of power but a balancing act of priorities and values. 

3. Manhood is failure

– To become a man you must become comfortable with failure, you must embrace failure and sit with like you are welcoming an old friend into your home. When you become comfortable with failure, all of a sudden, the difficult and painful tasks of everyday life become enjoyable. When failures and the embarrassments associated with failure are no longer something to avoid, you open yourself up to exciting and fulfilling opportunities that can take you to higher levels than ever before.

Every successful businessman, father, entrepreneur, athlete, husband, every person that has ever been successful in whatever endeavor they have chosen to pursue has encountered failure at some point along their journey towards success. Go ahead and try to name one person that has been successful and been able to circumvent failure during their process.

A true man is comfortable with failure and understands that it’s all part of the process of becoming a better man, one failure at a time. 

4. A man is quiet when others are loud and loud when others are quiet

– For some reason, we as a society have given the microphone to weak men that have the loudest voices and the most followers on social media. These loud voices are actually the weakest men and should not be followed.

The weak and insecure will often be the loudest and most obnoxious voices in the room.

Be careful in following the noise because often they lead to dead-end roads. A man knows when to be quiet and assess each situation with an open mind and an open heart. Learn how to listen more and talk less, and in turn, watch your manly meter go from boy to man in no time at all.

A man can listen to other people’s opinions without becoming offended if they do not align with their own. A man can listen and learn from every single person he comes in contact with. The homeless man on the corner has as much knowledge, and often more,  about living life than the fancy scholar at a prestigious university. A man knows when to listen and often listens more than he speaks. When others are loud and fighting for position during a heated debate, a man can sit back and hear what is being said by evaluating what is not being said.

On the flip side, a man knows when and where it is time to speak up and when it is appropriate to be the loudest voice in the room when others sit back and are afraid to voice their opinion. A man knows when to be loud and when to be quiet. 

Where to go from here?

Remember, not all is lost. It’s never too late to work on your manly meter. If you are not where you thought you would be at this point in your life, it’s time to course-correct and implement the changes you need. If not for yourself, then for those around you.

There are people counting on you to become the best man you can be.

There are people around you who need you to step up.

Start with one step in the right direction and let the momentum carry your forward to the next step.

One step at a time.

The post What it means to be a Man (Part 2) appeared first on Happiness Trifecta.

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”  –Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Such a simple concept, yet so true: that which we manifest is before us; we are the creators of our own destiny. Be it through intention or ignorance, our successes and our failures have been brought on by none other than ourselves.” ― Garth Stein, The Art of Racing in the Rain

You Create Your Happiness

A key concept in the happiness trifecta is the idea that you and only you are in control of creating your happiness. Let that sink in for a minute.

Your spouse is not in charge of creating your happiness.

Your children are not in charge of creating your happiness.

Your boss is not in charge of creating your happiness.

There is nothing in this world, no outside entity, no unseen spirit that can control how you react to your circumstances. You are the creator of your happiness, wealth, joy, contentment, and anything else that is connected to you. 

Control The Controlables

That doesn’t mean that if an unfortunate event comes up in your life that you were the one that wished it into existence. No, you didn’t make that car slide onto the wrong side of the road and slam into the side of your car. You didn’t create the cancer that you may be dealing with, or even create the overpowering boss that is a constant pain in your side. You did however choose to create the mindset to tackle all of these difficulties.

You are always in control of your own reaction to the good times and the bad and you ultimately decide how the rest of the story will play out. 

Not A New Concept

This concept that we are all magnificent creators is not something new or something that needs to be forced upon us like some new fad diet. The idea that we are creators is a principle that is as old as the universe. We all were created from and by a certain entity whether you believe that was God our Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, or any other entity. Many different religions believe in some sort of creator, an originator who formed our world and our spirits. Followers of the Hindu religions believe in a creator named Brahma, in Buddhism there is Budah, in Islam there is Allah, and we see many other names and beliefs.

But one thing is congruent through all these examples and that is this, there is a creator of some sort who created life, the earth, and the planets.  

You Were Created By A Creator

Something created you and me and the earth we live in, this act in itself was spectacular and divine. Because of this you also have the same gift and opportunity to create and to enjoy your creations. In a very small way, you get to feel what it must be like to be a God going about creating and enjoying those creations.

Happiness and contentment can be created by the simple act of creating. 

Draw a picture.

Write a story.

Take a photo.

Tell a story.

Compose some music.

Your creations can be anything you build or create for others to enjoy.

Create For This Life And The Next

As you create things and work through your own personal happiness, know that the work you are putting in now is of eternal importance. You are not just working towards these goals for a finite period of time. You don’t wake up early to read, or to become physically fit just to have it all go to waste when you die. The eternal principle is that all of this work, time, and effort that you are putting in right now will benefit you after you leave this earth. You will be able to take the knowledge you have gained, experiences you have felt, talents you have harnessed, and anything else you have gained throughout this life, onto the next. It is not all for not. This sentiment can be a relief and a breath of fresh air to know that any creations made while here, during this life, will continue with you forever and ever.

Those that have this eternal mindset, the mindset that we are all creators who will continue to enjoy our creations forever, are those that seem to have more energy, more insights, and more happiness.

We know that there is a higher plan for all of us. That plan is not exactly laid out perfectly for us. Nobody knows everything or every little detail about what will happen after we die. There are many religions with ideas and revelations that give us clues, but we are all here trying our best to live this life to our ultimate potential. That’s an idea we need to keep in our heart and mind as we go about our day or as we tackle difficult tasks.

Why Should You Care?

Let us remind ourselves that these skills that are gained will assist us in our path to Godhood. It may take millions of earth years to even get somewhat close, but at least we are inching closer with each day of self-improvement, with each creation we create. 

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The idea of the Happiness Trifecta came about during a very difficult and dark time in my life where I questioned what true happiness was all about. I started to experiment with different morning routines and lifestyle changes to see what would bring the most contentment and joy.

I looked back at the different times when I was happy and I realized that they each had three distinct areas of focus that significantly improved my contentment. Those three things (body, mind, soul) are what became the three pillars of the Happiness Trifecta. The Happiness Trifecta is about balancing our time and effort on the three pillars to have a more well-rounded sense of contentment and joy in our lives.

The Body

When I was playing baseball professionally, I was in the best shape of my life and my days were always focused around getting my body into optimal shape to be able to excel at my sport. I found joy during this time as time melted away doing what I loved and doing the hard work to eventually see the results. There was nothing more rewarding than having a difficult goal placed before me and observing my body change over time to achieve said goal.

The Soul

When I lived in Honduras for two years as a missionary for my church (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), I was constantly focused on improving the spiritual pillar. I would study scriptures, meditate, pray, and proselytize 6 days a week, every week for the entire two years. It was not easy. It oftentimes was not fun. But the rewards for putting in the time and not shying away from uncomfortable and difficult situations were undeniable. I was on such a spiritual high from the work I put in each day and it felt amazing.

The Mind

After the baseball career and missionary work had ended, I was studied to become a board-certified dentist and was completely focused on improving each day mentally. I would wake up before class started and would read textbooks and articles that pertained to the subject taught that day. I would come home at night and continue my studies until the early morning hours. It was not exciting. It was difficult. My wife and I had to forgo family vacations and date nights so I could focus on my exams. It was a challenging time. But, it was very rewarding to see my progress mentally as I went on to pass my board exams with flying colors and move on to be accepted as a pediatric specialist. My hard times slowly melted away into contentment and happiness, and it felt great.

The Birth of the Happiness Trifecta

Looking back at these different times in my life I wondered if I could “hack” happiness and contentment. I wanted to see if my satisfaction could be optimized. I thought I would try and combine all three of these aspects to my personal life to see what happened. I began working on fine-tuning my morning routines to focus on equal parts body, mind, and soul and the results were astounding.

I started small by allotting 15 minutes to each pillar of the trifecta every morning and now it has grown into a complete lifestyle change by focusing a large part of the day to each aspect of the trifecta. These days, I have decided to focus a large portion of my time to spreading the message of the Happiness Trifecta simply because it has added so much value to my own life.

This brings us to today. There is nothing that excites me more than to hear that someone has read, implemented and seen results from what they learned as a part of the Trifecta Tribe. My hope is that you can do the same. I’m glad you are here.

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Maybe we have been placed in “time out” for focusing on the wrong things for so long. 

What Did We Do Wrong?

I for one have realized during this time that I spent too much time and energy on things that now don’t seem that important. Monetary gains have been wiped out. Jobs have been placed on hold. Entertainment, sports, and movies, have been stopped in their tracks.  All the hustle and bustle of our everyday life, trying to build the “American dream” has come to a sudden halt. Airplanes are grounded. Car lots have been filled to their capacity with idle rental cars from vacations being canceled.

What are we left with now? Plain and simple, we are left with time. The world’s most precious commodity has been gifted to us all. 

The Gift We Have Been Given

More time with family. 

More time with self. 

More time with thoughts. 

More time to contemplate.

More time to pray.

More time to cook.

More time to eat.

More time to read.

More time to meditate. 

More time to write. 

Focus on what is important

My hope is that when all of this is over, we always remember the lessons we have learned during the quarantine. 

May we guard our time more than we guard our money. 

May we guard our time more than we guard our jobs.

May we guard our time more than we guard our possessions.

If we do this, then maybe, just maybe we will not have to go to time out again. At least not any time soon. 

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When your neighbor is scared of the news and hoards what is perceived to be rightfully his, take a steady deep breath and ask yourself this… was I thoughtful and kind in all of my deeds?

When your everyday normal has suddenly shifted to something scary and painful. Take comfort in knowing that you have a special power to control what you can control, and think to yourself… was I thoughtful and kind in all of my deeds?

We Have Been Changed Forever

There is no doubt our lives have been changed forever because of the global pandemic that is upon us. People have lost loved ones, jobs, income, and normalcy.  In the coming days, there will be countless more to lose. With all of the loss, one can often feel that all is lost and feel that we are not in control.

It’s during times like these that we need to dig deep and get back to the basics of life and living. Control what you can control and let the rest roll like a drop of morning dew. 

My Mantra For COVID-19

The mantra that I have adopted that keeps me going strong and steady with each passing day is this… “Was I thoughtful and kind in all of my deeds”. During times of stress and unease, we can often resort back to doing what is easy. It’s easy to snap at our children and loved ones. It’s easy to become anxious with each headline we read. It’s easy to comment on social media with vitriol instead of love. It’s easy to spend time with negative self chatter. 

Control What We Can Control

Yes, it’s true, you undoubtedly have suffered during this time in one way or another. We cannot control the things that happen to us. So, let’s get back to simplicity. Let’s control what we can control even though it may be hard. Do something different than what you are used to when times get tough. Do difficult things during times of difficulty because that is the secret to escape the darkness. Each difficult task is like a rung on a latter propelling us upward out of the depths of despair. 

Do Hard Things

It’s hard to give when we feel like there is not enough to go around, give anyway. 

It’s difficult to be nice when others are focused on themselves, be nice anyway.

It’s hard to be grateful when it seems all is lost, be grateful anyway. 

It’s hard to have faith when what we once knew to be true has been altered, be faithful anyway. 

We will survive

We will get through this current state we are in, as well as those difficulties waiting in the cue. We always do. We always survive, that’s why humans have lasted this long. We are survivors. 

The question is, at what cost will we survive? During each and every catastrophic event in the history of man, there seem to be certain personalities that emerge. There is the victim and its followers, the tyrant and its followers, and the hero. 

Be the hero of this tragedy. 

Optimism Chant

Let us all pledge today that, when this difficult time has passed, we will be remembered as the hero. The one that stood up and led his family, his friend, his co-workers, neighbors, and all within reach. Be the person that leads others with the banner of optimism and a chant at the end of each difficult day saying this: I was thoughtful and kind in all of my deeds, I took the difficult path, and I am the hero of this catastrophe.

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Your mom and I decided not to find out your gender beforehand. We figured as long as you were healthy we were happy for whatever variation of human God gave us. 

As you entered into this world, the announcement was made that you were a beautiful baby boy and I let out a “whoop” for everyone to hear. I couldn’t help but let out my overflowing excitement. 

As the days went by and the nights filled with craziness, I finally came back down to healthy dopamine and adrenaline levels. Then came the questions slowly seeping in…

Questions like…

What does it mean to be a Man? 

What kind of father do I want to be? 

How do I change a diaper without getting poop on my hands?

When do I start to teach this precious, innocent little human how to grow into an upstanding man?

Am I the type of man I want my son to become? 

Flash forward 3 years and these same questions encircle my thoughts. Some days I think I have it figured out, but most days I read articles, ask for advice and pray for guidance. I have come to understand that I don’t have all the answers to these questions and will continue to seek guidance and understanding as I grow. I’m still learning, implementing, and improving what it means to be a man. However, there are a few things that I know to be true when it comes to becoming a man in today’s day and age. 

Below are the concepts I have found to be true as of now. These are not laws or rules that need to be strictly followed. Find what resonates with you and aim for that as you strive to become a man. 

Men are not afraid of failure.

You were sent to this earth at this very time for a very special purpose. It is up to you to search for that purpose and chase it with all your might. As you find your path in life and try new things you will inevitably fail, and that’s ok. As long as you understand that failure paves the path to improvement. If you want to move forward and feel stuck in life, it usually means you need to take a chance on something and be willing to fail. You, in turn, will learn, and inevitably grow. Before you know it you will be further down the path.

Failure is good. Failure means you are pushing the limits and expanding your horizons. A real man understands this and does not dwell in defeat, but rather stands up, dusts himself off, and goes back to the battlefield ready to implement a new strategy to the game of life. With this mindset, failure turns from something to be avoided into something that can be accepted, even welcomed, knowing that progress is taking place. 

Men choose to do hard things. 

Men always take the difficult and uncomfortable path in life. I want to be very clear about this point. I am not saying to do crazy, or dangerous things. Doing difficult things look like taking care of yourself as well as your family. It looks like going to bed early and waking up early to improve physically in the gym. Doing hard things also looks like deleting social media accounts on your phone, and saying your sorry when you are wrong. It looks like taking 10 minutes each day to pray or meditate. Doing difficult things in life are usually the tasks that most people look over and opt for more comfortable paths. 

The difference between those people that achieve great things and those that squander their time and don’t ever achieve much, is what is done when faced with the choice between choosing the hard path or the easy path. If you think about all the great achievements that have been accomplished in history. At some point, the people responsible for those extraordinary feats were faced with a question. Do I push myself to continue forward on this difficult path or do I take the easy way out and opt for a life that’s a little more comfortable? A true man opts for the difficult path. 

Being a man doesn’t always have to be “manly.”

Sometimes being a man involves things that one doesn’t associate with manliness. Opening a door for someone, treating others with respect, listening to different opinions without being offended, meditating, being grateful for each day you are given, and being present in the moment are a few examples. Please, do not ever mistake humility and meekness for weakness. It takes a strong, confident, manly human to accomplish the things stated above. 

Men take responsibility for their actions. 

When you make a mistake, own it, rectify the situation, and move on. Sometimes we do stupid things. That’s just a part of growing up. It’s easy to blame others for our mistakes or the situation we are in. It’s easy for others to affect how we feel. Instead, choose to be accountable for the situation you are in and find ways to improve them. Nobody can make you feel stressed, anxious, sad, or depressed. Those feelings are all self-inflicted. Take responsibility for what you can control and forget the rest. 

Men understand that nobody owes them anything. 

The only person you can 100% depend on in life is YOU. This may seem a little harsh at first glance, but when you dig deep down it makes sense. Don’t count on other people or things to give you happiness, that comes from within. Don’t count on other people to hold your hand down that path of life. If you want something, go out and work towards each and every goal you set, because nobody will do it for you.

A man does not worry about the opinions of others. 

The only opinion that matters is what you think of the person you see in the mirror. What you know deep down about yourself, what you do behind closed doors when nobody is watching is more important than any opinion someone might have about you. Social media can’t tell you, your mom can’t tell you, your friends or religious leaders cannot tell you. Only you know who you truly are. 

As you take these 6 areas of manliness that I have outlined, remember that your life is a journey of learning, implementation, failure, and improvement. We can always improve our current situation, knowledge level, and traits. Control what you can control and forget the rest. When in doubt as to where to go, always remember our mantra… Do. Hard. Things!

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Why do we choose the easy path?

Maybe it’s because it’s our human nature to seek an easier and safer path. It’s something that has been hardwired into our chemistry via thousands of years of evolution. Back when our ancestors were living in caves and foraging for water, food, and shelter it was wise to conserve energy until it was necessary to expend that energy. There was no use in wasting time and calories on trivial aspects of life when you might need that energy to chase down your next meal, run from predators, or spend it looking for a reliable water source. 

Flash forward thousands of years and we find ourselves in a very different situation. Most of us, at least in the highly developed westernized countries, have food, water, entertainment, and housing all available to us in abundance. There is no need for us to consciously conserve our energy for a possible attack from a predator or long periods of time without food or water. However, our innate desire defaults to us continuing to seek the path of least resistance. This desire, coupled with an addiction to instant gratification, has made it easy for corporations to take advantage. Their job is to make it easier and more satisfying to stay on the effortless path. There is a lot of money to be made by selling the cushy lifestyle that we think leads to happiness. The odds have been stacked against us making it easier and easier to lead a cushy, effortless lifestyle. Which in turn leads to dissatisfaction. 

The easy things that we all do

Why make our own food when we can pay someone to make it for us? Why sit in uncomfortable silence when we can effortlessly stream the latest episode of Game of Thrones? Why struggle to learn a new language when I can easily buy an app on my phone to translate everything for me? Why push myself to learn to play an instrument when Spotify Premium can play all the songs I like with a simple click of a button? Why walk 15 minutes to the grocery store when I can drive in my temperature-controlled $50,000 vehicle that will get me there in 5 minutes?  

My friends therein lies the conundrum. To live an easy life without pain or discomfort or, to live a difficult one with pain intermingled with intense pleasures. Which path have you chosen for yourself? 

We are meant to feel pain and pleasure

By continuously seeking the uncomplicated, undemanding, and painless path in life, we’re missing out on a large part of what we were originally programmed to do as humans. We were not meant to lounge around in an air-conditioned room whilst stuffing our faces and binge-watching television. We were meant to struggle, to sweat, to have sore muscles, to fall, and to rise again stronger than before. We were sent here to feel pain and pleasure, but most importantly to feel alive. 

Only in the storm can you see the art of the real sailor; only on the battlefield can you see the bravery of a soldier. The courage of a simple person can be seen in how he copes with the difficult and dangerous situations in life. – Daniel Achinsky

Difficult situations are a blessing

A large portion of today’s anxiety and depression issues can be fixed with a mindset change from constantly seeking the easier path to seeking after doing the hard things in life. I know this because I have done it.  I have made the switch and now want to share this with everyone I meet. It’s a superpower knowing that whatever comes your way can be dealt with however you choose. You are in control by deciding to see hard situations as a blessing, not a curse. 

We know that there cannot be light without darkness, there cannot be happiness without sadness, we don’t grow stronger muscles without tears in them caused by the stress from the added weight. In life, there is opposition in all things. Unfortunately, we live in a world that has become easier and easier. We can order our groceries online and have it delivered directly to our doorstep without ever leaving the comfort of our couch. We can delegate any chore that might cause discomfort as long as the price is right. We have endless entertainment at our fingertips without ever leaving the comfort of our homes. We don’t even have to talk to our friends and family face-to-face anymore because of the widespread use of cell phones, shoot we don’t even have to use our voice to communicate with our peeps… we can just text.

Not all easy paths are bad

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Luddite and I’m all for advancement in society. We have come a long way in the past 100 years. Many of the advancements have saved lives and gave us years back both in improved health and improved time management. The improvement in medical advancements alone has saved countless lives in the past 100 years. I’m not advocating cutting all improvements to make our lives easier. Having a toilet and toilet paper are advancements that I’m extremely grateful for and in that instance will choose the easier path as opposed to squatting in my yard. 

Choose the difficult path

My point is this. If you are sick of getting the results you have always gotten in life, then do this one thing and you will feel a major shift. CHOOSE THE DIFFICULT PATH. Instead of kicking your feet up with a night of ice cream and Netflix, go outside and walk for an hour. Maybe, choose to read a book or go to the gym. Get outside of your comfort zone and take a cold shower. Instead of waking up 20 minutes before work, try setting your alarm 60 minutes earlier, and go to the gym. Try your hand at meditation. Apply for that job that seems way out of your league. In a world where extra effort is often frowned upon, be different and opt for extreme effort in everything you do. 

The difference between those people that take their abilities and achieve great things and those that squander their time and don’t ever seem to achieve much, is what is done when faced with the choice between taking the hard path or the easy path. If you think about all the great achievements that have been accomplished in history. At some point, the people responsible for those extraordinary feats were faced with a question. Do I push myself to continue forward on this difficult path or do I take the easy way out and opt for a life that’s a little easier? 

Electing to take the hard path is not easy and definitely not fun, nor is it warm and fuzzy. When we choose the hard path the reward doesn’t come until later, and often much later. That is the key. We have become a culture of instant gratification. We want results and we want it now. If a video doesn’t grab our attention in the first 15 seconds, we move on to the next. If our significant other isn’t giving us that burning in the bosom, we discard them for the next. We swipe left, we swipe right etc, etc.

Opting to take the hard path is a gut punch to our psyche. We have to forcefully say to ourselves “I know this is going to hurt, I know this is not going to be fun, BUT… it will be worth it in the long run”. The first few gut punches are usually the worst and hardest to convince our brains that taking a cold shower is better for us in the long run than sitting in the warm shower while singing and dancing the morning away. As soon as we see the benefits of doing hard things, our minds will eventually come along for the ride. Soon, our minds will race ahead to think of the next difficult journey to tackle. We’ll eventually train ourselves to start looking for the challenges to take instead of the shortcuts to weasel our way through. 

We have it all wrong

In our society, there’s been a lot of talk about people needing to “rise above” their difficulties, or people needing to “forge ahead” to speed past their rough patches in life. Maybe, just maybe, difficult times are not meant to be speed through. Maybe the secret to life is the opposite, in that we are meant to experience pain so we can enjoy the easy times even more. It is possible that we have it all wrong, that the difficult times are actually the times we should seek after in this life. I have never come out of a difficult situation wishing I had never gone through it, never. Now, during the hard patches in life, when I’m in the trenches trying to survive, I’m definitely not wishing it would last forever. But, as soon as it passes I have a clearer understanding of my purpose on earth and gratitude for life itself. I always learn and grow from the difficulties. By making that simple switch in our mindset we can tackle anything that comes our way with gratitude and optimism. 

Too often we seek comfort instead of significance. Comfort produces soft and unremarkable, while discomfort produces strong and significant.  Take a stand and choose significance over comfort. 

How to fix depression and anxiety

The remedy to the increasing numbers of people dealing with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts can all be remedied by making this mindset change: Stop seeking an easier life. Instead, when faced with a decision, start choosing the difficult path. Try to do hard things each day. I’m not saying it always has to be some big intense trial or something that will place you in danger. All I recommend is making small and simple switches throughout that day that make you think a little more, work a little harder, and maybe even break a sweat while doing it.

It’s easy to open your phone and scroll mindlessly for an hour. Instead, open a book read, or meditate for an hour. 

It’s easy to have your groceries ordered and delivered to your home. Why not decide to ride your bike to the store and purchase your groceries in person.

Instead of buying your veggies pre-cut, pull out a knife and cut your own veggies, or better yet, grow your own.

Some may say, “Well, with the time I can save by (insert any easy task) I can have more time, and time is our most important asset”. That is a great argument, however, the important question to that is, what are you doing with that time you have just saved? Was that extra time needed so you could watch an extra episode of your favorite show on Netflix? Was that extra time needed so you could scroll through Instagram and Facebook for an extra hour without feeling guilty? I will let you answer those questions for yourself. 

Happiness is not found on easy street

The fact of the matter is that we have become a society that seeks the simple path thinking that’s where happiness can be found. We see people on social media relaxing on the beach with their feet up drinking from a coconut and think that’s the goal to strive for. The easy life, as seen from afar, seems to be a place of contentment and bliss. However, time and time again we see that the progressive race to an easier life end with disappointment and difficulty. Why do you think most lottery winners end up losing everything, depressed, and left wondering where it all went wrong.  Money used to purchase an easier more relaxed lifestyle ends up forcing us into a never-ending loop of dissatisfaction. 

It’s all about our mindset

If we adapt to the mentality that doing difficult things are in fact beneficial we then can more easily accept the catastrophes that inevitably come to pass in our lives. Whether that be a difficult diagnosis from our doctor, the death of a loved one, or any other traumatic incident, we can rest a little easier knowing that the difficult things in life are there to teach us, thus allowing us to grow and improve.  Even the smallest inconveniences can be something to learn from and thus grow. Why not decide to turn those inconveniences into opportunities. Instead of seeing the broken elevator as an inconvenience, see it as a sign that maybe you should be taking the stairs anyway. Instead of complaining about the traffic on your way to work, maybe think about riding your bike to work instead. This mindset, in turn, helps us to realize that there isn’t some big scheme set up in the world to constantly deal us the bad hand in life.

This is not a new concept

Difficult times are not happening because someone or something is conspiring against us, but rather, these hard things have been happening to people for centuries before us. We realize that bad things happen to everyone, the only difference is how we decide to react to each situation. Nobody can make us think a certain way. We are always in control of our mindset. However, I do realize that it’s a difficult mindset shift to master, but when we do, the stress and anxiety of everyday life seems to just melt away. 

We can do it

We all have things that scare us. Things that we perceive to be difficult and downright impossible for us to face. The key is to find those things in your life. Think about them. Write them down. Talk about them. Don’t shy away, instead, lean into the hard situation. Instead of finding a shortcut through the difficulty to make the pain as minimal as possible, choose the long route. Plain and simple, do the hard things, go after that which scares you, and reap the rewards along the way. DO. HARD. THINGS!

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